Obsession means being interested in something or someone in a way that you cannot control. Obsession makes you to exhibit compulsive behavior that is unhealthy to you and toxic to the person you’re exhibiting such behavior towards (in situations where that applies). Obsession can make some people feel ashamed of the fact that they cannot control their thirst for something or someone. Some other people don’t feel ashamed but rather justify their obsession. In life, we are meant to have priorities but when the importance you attach to these priorities become extreme, you become obsessed about them. Obsession leads to unhappiness because the extreme expectation you have towards what you’re obsessed about due to how much energy you’re investing in it will never be fulfilled the way you want it to be. Obsession leads to unhealthy expectations especially if that obsession is towards someone. Whenever we’re investing into something, we always want something in return. When we’re not getting what we need in return, we may become angry and abusive. Obsession makes you to invest extreme amounts of mental and emotional energy into the object of your obsession and when you’re not reciprocated enough, you become unhappy and demanding. This is what makes being in a relationship with an obsessed person tiring. In relationships, obsession often leads to abuse, stalking, anger, and other unhealthy behaviors. People who are obsessed are more preoccupied with getting their uncontrollable desires met than the needs of the person they’re obsessed about. Obsession is unhealthy and there are reasoning patterns that cause obsession.
- Unhealthy attachment style: People who get into relationships for emotional security especially if they’re emotionally famished and the person they’re in a relationship with happens to fulfill that emotional need, they become so preoccupied with satisfying themselves continuously and start getting addicted to that feeling of satisfaction especially because they have not learned to provide that satisfaction for themselves. They see the person they’re in a relationship with as the only person that can give them such satisfaction and they place so much importance on their need to the point that they become attached to their partner in unhealthy ways. They want all of that satisfaction all the time and become obsessed and demanding. They begin to treat their partner as an object. An object that fulfills their desires. They become focused on their desires and ignore the needs of their partner.
Sometimes, some people are parasitic in fulfilling their needs. They have the “remove to add” mentality. They must remove something from someone in order to add to themselves. They’re receivers. They cannot manufacture something by themselves instead they must get it from someone in order to have it. These kinds of people are users. They subject to feel in power, they love to be in control, and so whenever they find a victim that makes them feel in control, they become obsessed with that power and obsessed with their victim. It’s all about their selfish desires.
When the reason behind your attachment to someone is all about fulfilling your endless selfish desires, you become obsessed with the person that has the potential of satisfying your desires. It’s not really about them. It’s about you.
- Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem don’t think highly of themselves. They feel like they don’t deserve the best and so when the best comes their way probably as a surprise, they become overwhelmed and obsessed. They feel that they don’t have what it takes to attract the best, and so they become obsessed with keeping the best that has come their way because they feel that they can easily lose it and even if they lose it, they can’t get another. To someone with low self-esteem, the best things that come to them seems like one lucky chance that they don’t even deserve and that feeling controls them and leads them to obsession.
- Impostor Syndrome and Obsessive Love Disorder: People with Impostor Syndrome in relationships are obsessive people-pleasers. They’re obsessed with pleasing their partners and being overprotective of their partner’s feelings towards them because they think that they’re not good enough. Even if their partner appreciates them, they feel like there is still more they have to do. They’re scared that if they don’t keep working hard to please their partner, their partner will wake up one day to realize that they’re not good enough. Their obsession with pleasing their partner may make them seem unreal and drive their partner crazy. The reason for obsession in people with Impostor Syndrome is similar to that in people with low self-esteem. The fear of not being good enough and having to work so hard to please their partner is what leads them to become obsessed. Also, Obsessive Love Disorder is being addicted to your partner in a way that is delusional. This is a psychological issue and can be treated or managed with psychotherapy.
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- Fear: The nature of one’s upbringing and past relationships especially a primary relationship (relationship with family) can affect how he/she relates with others. When someone grows up in an environment where he/she was constantly neglected, they develop a deep internal fear of neglect and become obsessed with whoever they’re in a relationship with. They are afraid of being abandoned again. People who grew up in an environment where they were forced into solitude as a punishment for wrongdoing especially without explanation of the reason behind it may view solitude as a punishment and so, these people develop an internal fear of being alone or by themselves and they become obsessed with someone who spends a lot of time with them. People who had their loved ones taken away from them due to an unfortunate and unforseen circumstance may become obsessed with protecting or watching over the people they value in their lives. They may have obsessive thoughts because they feel these thoughts can help to detect any negative unforeseen circumstance that might threaten to steal someone they love. People who experienced a painful breakup can develop fear of loss in their future relationship. Past failure can induce obsession for success. Past trauma can also destroy a person’s self-esteem and that affect their attachment style. The major root of that is fear.
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